My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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