I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
