Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
