Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
nutella sex= disaster
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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