I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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