where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
