Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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