I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
