He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
