I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
