We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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