we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
