i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
