i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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