Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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