Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
