Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
