somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
