while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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