Ambien. No doubt about it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
