she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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