Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
