My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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