man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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