I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
