U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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