also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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