Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
