I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Randomize
