Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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