Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
