wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
