When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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