I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
