P.S. I can't hear my feet
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
