She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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