If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
