I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
