Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
