we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
