if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
