girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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