I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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