I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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