when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
