she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
