it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
