Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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