I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
