i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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